Because Buddy means winner in Felinese

Hoomans, what Apple never told you is that the iPad was conceived, created by and made for cats. It amuses us greatly watching you embrace touch pad technology with gusto, but you will never beat us at our own game.

My man Buddy below is the champ.

Feline propaganda via BuzzFeed

Because Buddy means winner in Felinese. And English, natch. Ah!

The Mediterranean Diet

Say what? by #1

There has been much tweetage lately about the state of my insides, for which I won't apologize. I understand hoomans find cat constipation a funny subject, for some reason. I don't expect my hoomans to ever understand my ordeal - they're vegans, a diet that led them to purchase a plunger recently. Nuff sed.

My condition is uncomfortable to say the least, and cannot be relieved by pretending I am a tube of toothpaste and squeezing me out. I hate that, it's intrusive AND rude.

Wet food on tap is a more pleasant way to go, but it has been known to cause bloating and untimely downloads on rugs and suchlike. For your sake, I won't even mention the epic poop dangling from the entrance of the litter box. That was embarrassing.

Imagine my surprise when I found my natural hippie kibble - it's brown, shaped like tiny hockey pucks and there is a rainbow on the packet - suddenly enhanced by a drizzle of California's finest extra virgin olive oil last night. Odd-tasting at first, it's actually quite morish after a few bites but the best thing about it is it acts as... an internal lubricant.

Normal service has now been resumed.

In other news, I hear kitty litter face masks are all the rage among female hoomans these days. While it may be a preposterous idea, it is also proof of what we cats can get our hoomans to do with a little mind manipulation...

Feline propaganda

From the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland comes this gem of a propaganda poster for fuzz therapists...

Artwork via What Katie Does

Now hoomans, don't you be cheap and rip off this wonderful designer's work now! Instead, you can purchase the print from Katie's Etsy shop for a modest USD 20.

Because creativity should always be respected and honored.

Also, Katie dear, you have now been added to my collection of lovingly cured hams. 

To infinity and beyond!

My sources in Nebraska tell me that The Teal Cat Project is planning a new campaign designed to help kitties in the Pacific Northwest therefore now is the time to make some space on your shelves.

In addition, one of their hoomans has sourced a most excellent kitty craft project: a rocket ship.

When #1 is done building my e-sleeper, I am placing an order for one of those in turquoise blue and fawn.

Meanwhile, my man Skifcha is living it up, see below. Best experienced LOUDLY!

stereo skifcha from xgabberx on Vimeo.

Vade retro vomitus

Life in cramped conditions, by #2

My territory is shrinking.

Batcatlandia - the Pacific Northwest micronation also known as apartment dominion #404 - is getting smaller by the day: the room in which the supersize cat basket is located is now officially out of bounds.

Unless hoomans are occupying said cat basket, in which case I get to wedge myself between them and enjoy double body heat for a few hours.

Gone are the days of leisurely lounging under the comforter.

When age causes you to download matter out of both ends without warning, hoomans get all huffy and housekeepy and things.

I have been relegated to the armchair under the kitty blanket.

Readers, if YOU have any tips about avoiding accidental matter leakage, I would like to hear them, please. Thank yous.

Send in the Scots!

Rumors that I ate Domo Kun are being vastly exaggerated, by #2

It's been a rough couple of days here at Batcat Towers and I've been too busy emptying my insides out of both ends to commandeer the internets. Dignified it wasn't, and I knew something was definitely amiss when #2 wrapped a scarf around her nose to clean my litter box.

Chalk it up to a bad can or a bug - all I know is that my hoomans are no longer talking about re-upholstering the armchairs but simply trashing them and getting a sofa instead. I think this might involve bringing in an army from the land of shortbread cookies as the words "Scotch Guard" keep being mentioned in hushed tones.

Cuddling up on sturdy thighs wearing wooly kilts will be a new experience, aye!

Friday Feline Flicks #1

As promised, a cinematographic feline offering for your viewing pleasure dear readers. Do help yourself to catnip and turkey crunchies.

The Cat Piano from PRA on Vimeo, narrated by Nick Cave.